Ethereal Graphics

Selecting empowering partnerships and alliances

This Secret is so multi dimensional for me.  Reading this chapter tasted both bitter and sweet.  As an artist, I am eternally grateful to the universe for delivering me from a tormented existence in a partnership which I had no true vision of for a long time because i became entirely immersed in it and wholly swallowed up by it. 

The problem?  Me.  The realization?  You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Last year I  re-dedicated myself to the 'visualization of my dreams' manifesting in my physical life.  I studied and learned to meditate.  Now, mind you, I was not a model student and am still not a very learned and practiced meditator, but I went to a seminar, read a few books . . . Things began to literally show up in my life.  People approached me with these very ideas and things showed up  more and more and this shift in my entire way of living began to take place.

As an artist and graphic designer, I was one half of a partnership.   A business partnership that stemmed from a friendship born out of our children's friendship.  It began as one thing and then over years and changes and priorities and visions became entirely another. I had no idea it was ok that it didn't stay the way it began.

The 'Ah-ha' moment came when I watched my throat being cut.  Hold on . . . here's the important part:

AND SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME UNFURLED AND REJOICED!

It is hard when a partnership ends.  It hurts.  No matter how it comes down, in the end letting go is never easy.  I will forever keep this in mind and I will honor the powers that drew us together and then apart.  I've learned not to push so hard.  Let things come.  Be authentic to yourself, and in doing that, you can accept what others offer and let the magic in!  And mine came in like the flood to Noah.

Suddenly I knew that I was free.  But it's not what you might think.  What I was free of was ME.  I stopped being a pleaser and started living authentically and by that I mean I stopped thinking so much and began listening . . . accepting . . . smiling . . . rejoicing in the truth.  My truth. 

It is okay to GROW.  Even if you grow apart.  Growth is essential and people outgrow one another every second of every day.  The important thing is to know when to let go and move on. Let yourself out!  Accept and love yourself for who you are and celebrate your talents instead of torturing them into what you think others want them to be or not to be. 

Partnership means taking a good honest look at our own ways of dealing with things, good, bad, ugly and perhaps foremost: transparently.  We need to accept and love what we bring to the table in order to accept other's gifts.

Are two heads better than one?  Absolutely!  They can be!  But for me, the key to this is self love.  I have since had the luck and honor to come together with some fabulous groups of people who are open and giving and just being in their presence inspires me.  And I look forward to many many more retreats with friends and artists who are generous enough to share.  

It seems we all have had our own brushes with partners as opposed to collaborators.  It is hard not to be jaded by bad experiences, but in loving ourselves we are protected and you know, we are more giving and open as well.  Life is about learning and loving after all! 

 

 

 

 

Consulting with Guides . . .

 

I make an effort each day to take control of my destiny.  Some days are better than others.  But I truly love Wanda Carter's quote in the side margin of this weeks Consulting With Guides:

"Take control of your destiny.  Believe in yourself.  Ignore those who try to discourage you.  Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.  Don't give up and don't give in."

I truly have had some influential guides in my life.  The one that stands out most for me didn't actually occur to me as a central influence as I first pondered the challenge on page 125.  But far and away, my dad was the one person in my life who made me believe that all of the hocus-pocus and non-sensical feelings I experienced were the only true magic there is.  It wasn't that Dad encouraged me in a way that had me floating on clouds and believing in fairy tales.  In fact, it was just the opposite. 

I once watched my dad carve Saint Joseph out of a bar of soap with his pocket knife.  I remember reading his sarcastic satire in an article he wrote about construction practices.  I sat silently at the dining room table and watched as he magically sketched the face of a down trodden angel in deliciously soft and smudgy charcoal.  He played the guitar.  He painted and he sang.  He even cut his four daughter's hair.  He cooked and decorated.  He loved. 

Dad was a guide to me all of my life and he influenced my decisions, especially now, through watching him toil at a blue collar day-in-day-out life when what really made the light come on in his eyes and brought out his incredibly sweet smile was his creative spirit.  I have learned that to deny it means certain death.  Maybe not physically.  Not at first, anyway.  But I remember wondering how, if we loved each other the way we did and we had one another no matter what, how could he continue to deny his own beating heart?  I watched the time between his happy periods become longer and leaner.  One day, I looked him in the eyes and he was gone.

It took him a lifetime.  But he did it. And now, I know he is with me.  He is with my children and my siblings and there is not one single day that passes that I don't feel him guiding me and whispering, "Susie . . . follow your heart . . . listen to your soul . . . take the way that looks blocked and abandoned.  The fear will let you know you're on the right path." 

  

Secret 6 . . .

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Secret 6 is about conquering saboteurs. As an artist there are periods when I feel like I waste an awful lot of creative energy on this!  The constant exertion to gain a toe-hold on the slippery slope of self belief  -if I am not careful and aware- can become meshed with the creative process itself.

Even when I've been living relatively authentically and feel healthy and calm, the sharp quick sting of doubt will bite me on the ankle, drawing blood and hurting . . .  It is a constant battle of wills!  

What I have found is that when this feeling rears up, it means I'm headed in the right direction.  I am learning that if I never feel self doubt and fear, then whatever it is that I am at is simply not worth it.  Fear appears because we are on that part of our path where we haven't been before and so we can't see what's around that next bend. But Joy!  We are moving forward!  We are entering new territory!  We aren't spinning our wheels caught in a rut! 

In transcending our wounds as this chapter tells us, 'we understand how our own woundedness is a step in our journey to wholeness'. 

The way I see it is:  throughout our lives we embark on many different paths.  Some of them we outgrow.   And some we seem to gain ground on because we get into a rut of activity and it is constant and this seems . . . human. And then there's the path we toil upon which tricks us at every turn.  We see beauty and ease and feel safe and comfy and so we linger there.  Then fear and self doubt show up and knock the wind out of us.  We contemplate getting back up . . . or should we quit . . . and this is where we either face our fear and move forward or recoil and step back.  Back upon known territory.  Back into comfort and familiarity.  But BACK nonetheless. 

Benedict Spinoza said, "Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear."

How many times have I devalued or given away my creative power?  Too many times. Yet I am learning that in standing my ground and pushing through my 'gremlins', I embrace my hope for more and I can be who I am without pleasing and conforming.  I recognize that these 'gremlins' only show up when I am on the verge of something new and when I get up and dust myself off, I realize the only permission I need to forge ahead is my own.

  

Secret #5: Committing to Self focus . . .

  

Why do so many of us feel we need special permission to take time and focus on ourselves?  For myself, it used to always feel like I needed 'time out' in order to do so.  I am learning that in actuality, it is taking 'time in' which inimitably brings me in touch with my empty cup.  

What a joy to be able to sit quietly and listen . . . just wait for my angels to deliver their message.  And the quieter I am, the clearer the gift comes through.  When my internal chalice is dry and empty, it is always harder for me to connect with the other side.  These days, I can feel it just as sharply as if I slam my fingers in the silverware drawer or burn my tongue on my drive-thru coffee.  If I need to replenish my chalice, it is essential . . . like breathing and we don't feel guilty for breathing, do we? 

Self-focus can be as simple as sitting down and jotting out a list of things I'd like to accomplish.  Self focus can be simply giving myself 'permission' to relax, rest and dream.  It can be an active undertaking involving meditation, chanting or prayer.  Ultimately I believe in it. 

 The pause in between creative cycles can in actuality be the dream state we all wish we could exist in most of the time.  I used to think it was about the creating itself, but recently I've been thinking it's the inner focusing time in between creation that is important.  I am learning to strengthen this by excercising. It opens the doorway between our physical world and the spiritual one.  Like any muscle, this one gets stronger with practice. 

When my spiritual cup is once again full, it feels like my soul has been set free of it's cage and soars ever higher, the wings of creativity stretch further and I fly . . . free.  And when it's time to rest again, I look forward to my nest for I know that soon, if I am open and receiving, my cup shall runeth over. 

Surrendering to . . .

The universe of 'cylces'; creative cycles is a realm I am most terrified of and yet intrigued by at the same time.  I find surrendering to the ebb and flow of my own creative tide one of the hardest skills to master. For me it takes becoming quiet inside, calming my mind and not thinking thought.  Then, letting 'it' in. 

In the past, I always 'pushed' my process along . . . forcing the flow of my ideas and inspirations by squeezing my spiritual energies like an empty tube of toothpaste in order to meet deadlines.  In misunderstanding exactly what it is that provides and nourishes my creativity, I depleted any reserve I may have had to draw on. This inner confusion and abuse I wrought upon myself finally caused a disconnect between my inner sanctum and my ability to survive as a healthy human artist.

The closest analogy I can come up with is 'hitting bottom'. Like the drug addict or alchoholic, it took a complete flattening-out of my gifts to realize that I was not living my authentic life.  In my experiences with other artistic friends, this is not uncommon. It can take a 'wipe out', or 'dying-off' of a driven existence in order for us to realize that as artists, we must surrender to that within us which draws us, lures us, attracts every sense in our physical being toward the elusive creativity.

 Accepting our own individual creative cycle then releases our Spirit to soar . . .

For myself, somewhere along the line I took on the idea that this process was not 'work', but frivolity.  If I wasn't producing and conceptualizing at break-neck speed, then I didn't deserve to be called 'designer/artist/creative person'.  When I realized that I was defining myself by these parameters, I had no one to blame but ME, and therefore no one to answer to by myself as well.  This seemingly simple realization changed my life. My soul was quite literally longing for a true way of living day to day that honored my gifts.  The inner dialog this craving created drew unto me exactly that.  But sisters, let me tell you that when it came, the life I had been living for years crumbled and was cast all around me like the falling of Rome!  

I will never again deny the power of mythoughts.  I will always find a way to honor my gifts by surrendering to what Michelle Cassou in this chapter explains as, "To be creative means becoming more familiar with being a little lost." It is OK to not know what is going to happen next.  If you feel fear at this concept, GOOD!  This means it is the right road to be on.  Just listen to what your angels are sending your way.

  

  

Secret 3: following your fascinations . . .

There is no doubt about it for me . . . embarking upon the path lead by your heart takes courage.  At the outset, this journey can be exciting . . . and frightening because there isn't any certainty that where I am headed is in any way secure or justified or real for that matter.  And the more I try to make 'sense' of following my heart, the less clearly I see the path ahead. 

What helps me be brave?  What do I draw on when things get tough or scarey?  I'm still learning these skills, stretching and strengthening these muscles, but I do find that simply asking my angel guides to show me the way, open my heart to see what they are showing me helps a lot! 

Sometimes more than others I feel them near me and my angel guides have recently become a true and vibrant influence in my life.  But I know that all of their nearness is more evident these days not because they haven't always been around me, cheering me on like the sibling who chants, "You're getting hotter!  Hotter!  No .. .  colder!  Yes!  Hot! Hot! Hot!", but because I am quieter inside.  I am learning to listen.  I quiet my egoic mind long enough to be still and receptive and for whatever reason, this gives me courage.  I know I've got all the company I need within and WOW!  There isn't much that can't be overcome with a little help along the way from our angels.

Honoring my inspirations

The idea that most resonates with me in this second secret is 'creating a Sanctuary'.  For me, the magnitude of the word, 'sanctuary' is universal-sized enormous!  I have begun creating a physical sanctuary in my home but more than that, I am carving out a sanctuary in my soul. 

For me, this is where the magic happens!  This is the modest little altar of creating, where I am learning each and every time I kneel there spiritually!  This is the space where I can rest my weary head upon my arms and breathe . . . and just let it come to me.  Amazing, it usually envelops me and immediately I feel tears in my eyes, release in my heart and most importantly, promise in my deepest depth.  It is always there.  I have not once knelt upon this altar and not felt the enormity of inspiration.  The skill is in exercising the 'opening' of my heart to receive.  Wow, is it a workout sometimes!  Especially if I am trying too hard.

"The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens into the primeval cosmic night that was soul long before there was a conscious ego and will be soul far beyond what a conscious ego could ever reach."

-Carl Gustav Jung The meaning of Psychology for Modern Man [1934]

Living an authentic life

If I look back (rear-view mirror type of looking back), things can seem very clear.  Hindsight is one of those things I used to torture myself with on a regular basis.  But I have found that if I look around me, the path of my personal journey opens up all kinds of magic!  Things appear, inspiration arrives in my soul and I've learned not to try to make it 'into' what I think it should be, but to breathe . . . and listen . . . and surrender control to what comes to me. 

I wrote my first manuscript at eighteen.  I was a young mother with all this creativity bouncing out of me and the most I could do with it was write. So, I let it out! It became for me the one true place where I knew who I was.  Little did I know then that when you are a true writer, it is what it is.  Meaning, I believe there are 'stories' that already exist on some other plane of existence and as writers, we are merely the channel through which these tales are told.  Getting 'out of the way' of this gift has been one of my life's biggest challenges. 

I think I'm drawn to mixed-media art as an outlet for both my need to create and the way words can tell the story of my art on a greeting card that people will give as a gift, message, reassurance or celebration .  I love the process.  I love the feedback. I love what I love and if it resonates with me, I use it. The visual dynamic lends to the words exactly what they need and vice-versa.

  I believe there comes a time when as an artist, we have to let go.  Surrendering control to trust that there is indeed a bigger plan. Make the universe your personal secretary.  Give to it the tasks we most need done.  Trust that whatever you place into it's hands will be taken care of.  Then, live your life without worry and stress.  Live your authentic life.

Twelve Secrets . . .

I truly am so so looking forward to tomorrow!  A new beginning . . . getting to enjoy and absorb creative energies . . . meeting new friends . . . what more could a girl ask for?  I am participating in Jamie Ridler's twelve week exploration of the book 'The twelve secrets of highly creative women'. 

You can follow what's going on in the 'class' here as all of my work will be posted here on my blog.